you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
