What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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