the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
