I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
