I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize