This show inspires me to have sex in space
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
