A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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