you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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