honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
