Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
