we have pet lesbian snakes
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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