I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bring me that man meat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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