At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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