so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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