I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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