someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
