I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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