We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
