ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
