Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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