Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
