Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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