this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
