I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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