I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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