break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
