A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
