you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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