I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
