Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
