you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
