i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
