The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
