I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
