Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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