someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
