i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize