It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
