Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
