we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize