Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
