so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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