ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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