you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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