i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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