just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
