I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
4 words: hood of his car
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
