Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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