just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
