Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
