You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
