I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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