The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
