roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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