My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
