I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
