Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
