we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
