he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
