I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
