In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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