Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is the high leading the old right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
