yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do vagina's smell?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
