epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
