We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
