I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
