Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
