I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize