I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
