Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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