Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
