I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
