I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize