recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
