my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
