i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
