I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
