If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize